I took a couple weeks off from blogging to kind of clear my head, focus on some other things, and pretty much to get over my own sh*t! I’m gonna warn you now, this is a longer post than normal so bear with me! I’ll be blunt, trying to “become a blogger” isn’t easy. I went into this thinking I need to have an outlet for my creative, fashion loving, traveling obsessed, food enthusiastic, spastic-nerd self and well I got caught up in the “what does everyone else think/ comparison game.” Let me be honest when I say that I understand all good things come with work and dedication and I am willing to go full force with both, but for this girl sometimes the thoughts in my head can interfere with the confident woman I believe myself to be.
As a clinical therapist, I preach to the adolescents, teens, young women, and older women I work with about the importance of loving ourselves and being confident in who we are. What happened is I was teaching it to clients and forgetting about it myself. I started to feel overwhelmed thinking about gaining followers, having the best outfit, having a professional photo, designer buys, my body, and the “idea” of blogging. I really started to get a bit anxious. I thought I could manage my full-time job, start a fashion/lifestyle blog, take care of my home and family, oh and PLAN A WEDDING all at the same time without freaking out! Who was I kidding?? Only *myself* I lost site of what this blog was supposed to be, fun!
I consider myself a strong, confident, determined woman. I like the way I look on most days, I have an amazing life full of wonderful friends, family, and the best fiancé a girl could ask for, but still… I was feeling like I wasn’t enough. I found that I was scrolling through IG comparing myself to these bloggers with 300,000 followers and I felt “less than.” I started to feel like my body wasn’t beautiful, that I was “fatter” than usual, that my hair looked blah, and that I didn’t have the talent needed to help others with fashion and advice. I stopped working out, haven’t eaten the best, stopped planning posts ahead of time, haven’t taken a new photo, haven’t thought of a fun blog idea, and spent my time with work and some wedding planning. I can’t even blame my lack of blogging on my lack of time- because let’s be real if you want to do something bad enough you will make the time for it! My overwhelming self-doubt took over and I started to think of giving up. I spent the past 3 weeks looking at wedding venues, working, and getting caught up in the “give up” game. Well, today that changes. I am going to continue to write this blog even if my dad and BFF are the only ones who actually read it. I am going to take chances and throw myself out there. I am going to dedicate more time to the things I love and less time to worrying about what others might love. I am going to be as confident as the 8-year-old girl in the picture below is. And if no one follows, no one comments, and I end up spending time doing this only for myself and 3 readers, well then that’s okay to me!
** above photo is a glamour shot I took with my mom when I was about 8 years old. I remember the day perfectly and remember telling my mom I was gonna be a model because taking pictures is fun. So let’s use that positive energy for this blog.
More fun pics and topics to come!
lots of love